Reminiscing

I offer my journal entries from another time, another life.   Early 80’s, my sophomore year in High School…    Beware the bad poetry.

Jan 7

I probably got a B on my Eng speech.  It was 3:56! & I forgot to say the date. —  Forget Robin.  Forget Keith.  Preferably the latter.  but shit Robin won’t let me!  (& I won’t let me either, I’m afraid) but Robin isn’t helping.  We went to a wrestling match tonight and Robin sat by Keith, I sat behind Keith.  Well, earlier today, I was talking to Matt and he knows Kendall and started laughing when he heard we are going out.  Matt says Kendall’s weird.  Wishes me luck.  Well, back to tonight:  I was telling Robin the above and later she asked me if I wanted Keith to hear it.  I didn’t realize he could have been listening until after I had started.  Really!  Why would I.  He certainly wouldn’t have gotten jealous.  He didn’t hear anyway, at least I think.  Or am I just trying to comfort myself on that.  And Robin used to say we understood each other so well!  Ha.  Of course, it would be hard to understand me.  I am so wishy-washy.  Another Charlie Brown…  I wish I could erase all my feelings and start over.  Whoever said “Life isn’t easy” sure knew what the hell he (or she) was talking about.  I should put a smile on my face and live with it.  As Abe Lincoln said, “You are about as happy as you make up your mind to be.” 

     

Jan 8

I’m not mad at Robin anymore.  I never really was mad at her.  I was mad at me and taking it out on her in my last entry.  We had a talk at lunch.  not much was settled except I decided I am wishy-washy.  I wrote Robin a note telling her I valued her friendship and hoping she would be patient with me.  I wish I knew a guy I could get close with.  Tony is starting to be friendly.  I found out John is going with Sherry.  Darn.

Jan 11

This week is National Man Watchers Week!  So keep eyes peeled for people of opposite sex!!!  THAT won’t be hard.  L. told H. to tell me not to call Brett because he was just joking when he said “call anytime.”  She said he would think I was chasing him and he hates it when girls do that.  “Well!!” 

It’s me & you and you & me,
And I need your love so desperately.
It’s you & me and me & you,
Do you need me, too?
the tenderness we shared,
How do you dare,
Just shrug my love away?
You are the sugar in my tea,
But you can’t seem to see,
That I love you.
Please – don’t turn your back on me!
We are perfect together,
You thought it was just a one-night fling,
But this ‘thing’ can last forever,
If you just open the door,
And let me slip inside your heart,
Be a dartboard for Cupid’s dart.
Give it a chance,
Don’t stay away,
For I love you.

Goals

  My 2007 Journals.    My wish is for brave sharing of a few of my 2007 journal entries from these orange and purple books.

  Another 2008 goal is to improve my handwriting…   This is a page from my 2/12/07 entry.   Backstory:  these are prompts to help me explore my own thoughts and feelings.     and to add what is not visible the top is:   

“What I realize is ________________”   

“If my 5 year old [self] had something to say _____________”

   let    her    speak

the point is completion.  Keep going – move forward.  no distraction week.

and then something I cut from a magazine and taped in…   I AM THE ONLY ME.

  

     

 This is the journal I will scribble in starting tomorrow!  I’m very excited.   I just love me a clean blank white bright open empty journal!      I have about 5 more in the queue…     I’ve got an entire library full of no-longer-blank books, beginning when I was 11, I think.   I really should arrange for these to be burned or at least lost for 100 years in a safety deposit book…   

Anyways…     I do love the contemplation time that this part of December inspires in me.     I suppose now would be a good time to flip through the orange one that has goals from Jan 07 and look to see what I might need to move to 2008 (better to say it like that than to say ‘what I failed to do in 2007’!)

“Have the courage to believe in and follow your own heart and be willing to let go of the outcome.”    – no note as to WHO said this…  😦

aha!   Other than quick easy daily task stuff following the above quote, I didn’t write ANY BIG GOALS!    

Hmmmmm,  this is odd.   that I didn’t have any goals/resolutions for 2007 written down in a place that would be easy to find later.     Yes, very odd!

and that is just OK with me.   🙂