Posts Tagged ‘communication’


Friend Who “Disappeared” Part I

October 3, 2007

Friend Who “Disappeared”  Part I  (for the Part II, click HERE … )

       Back Story:    I have a friend who is terrifically busy.    Many kids, high powered job, etc.     She doesn’t contact me often and has told me not to expect any predictable contact.    Still, I consider her a very very good friend.   One of those ‘bff’s and/or  “Best Friend From High School”…

I send her kids fun letters.   often.   I haven’t heard from her in a least 6 months.  I sent her kids Easter presents which I recently realized were never acknowledged.     I never kept track of how often we talk.  or email.    I never get letters (but I love to send them.)     She lives many states away.

I am just starting to get some inkling that maybe I need some acknowledgement.   Is she out there?    In the past, when I call attention to ‘Hey!   Haven’t talked to you in awhile…’   I usually get the ‘don’t expect much from me’ speech…..   Kids are sick, she’s in her car ALL the time, works 60-80 hours per week as a consultant, etc.   SO I try not to keep track.   But she also says she SOOO appreciates my friendship!  She tells me that she loves my letters…

It’s been too long.   She usually calls around my birthday and nothing this year.    Am I paranoid?    I want to send the ping out.   But I don’t want the response one more time that I can’t expect much from her.  

Now, as I write this, I am getting the indication that I have to write off the friendship.    or slow it down.    But it feels like giving up.    How much of a one-sided friendship should I put up with?    How do I communicate that I need either to know she prefers I never bother her again or keep it up?    or what?

It’s my parents and friends who ask, “So how is   _r___  doing these days?”   and I don’t have an answer.    I assume they are doing fine?  

SO, I want to write her a letter.   I just don’t know what to say or how to say it.     Am I being needy?   Do I risk annoying her that I am needy?   or am I fool.     Did I offend her in some way.   (unfortunately, it’s likely…  I apparently say things trying to be funny when she isn’t in a humor mood and she gets all grumpy about it; I don’t even realize it…  sigh)

Reviewing my words so far is telling me that this friendship has been extremely one-sided = MY side.    What do I do?    

I was planning Part II to be a draft of my letter to her.     I have a beautiful Hallmark card of a child holding a big sunflower.   The envelope is bright flourescent green.     Inside:    This card is a little visit from someone who thinks about you a lot.

Maybe that’s all I need.   Sign it and send it.