Yippee

I had an interesting discussion yesterday with a ‘friend’ who is someone I am friendly with because our spouses work together. This is not a person I call or email – I don’t know the person’s email address. I have known this person for over a year. I had attempted to get an email address and yet I don’t think I have ever gotten it. I have given mine, often.

My question is this:  Why do some people think that my not “living up to my potential” is in some way an insult to them?

Crap, I don’t even remember how the conversation got started. For all I know, I started it. It’s often a topic since it is supposed to be one of the things I am working on:  FINDING A J-O-B.

There are many reasons I haven’t found a job. The two big ones are because I am extremely picky and I am afraid. Sure, the pickiness is an offshoot of the fear.

I get it! I *should* have a job. I am obviously not trying hard enough to find a job. I’m doing everything wrong, I’m not applying for all that I should, I’m not ‘getting OUT there’.

I wonder if writing my message on a cardboard sign and standing at a busy intersection would benefit my efforts more than the suckage I review each day in the want ads.

“Oh, less than 3% of people find jobs through the want ads.” Great.

Wonderful.

Where the fuck do I go meet these people that will supposedly be bowled over with my lovely credentials and offer a decent salary WITH BENEFITS?

This person, on hearing that my tale of woe, didn’t get the fact that powers that be told me NO and that I’m not banging on their door trying to convince them otherwise. I don’t get why there isn’t understanding. (The state I live in denied my certification to do something another state granted me certification for – and this new state wants me to get more school and the programs are requiring me to have it already to get into grad school. Classic Catch 22) I don’t even know if I want this career anyway in this state.

Long story.

Boring.

Hey, I know I’m not doing enough and I’m not applying for as many positions as I *should* because the whole process fills my insides with a cold tight congealed chicken fat feeling and I get anxious and start hyperventilating. I know! I do.

I know I’m letting fear shut me down to a state of inactivity.

Your yelling at me stupid options isn’t helping. Thankyouverymuch.

Whew. I feel better.

(I gave the person my card and said, “Email me.”) I’m such an idiot.

 

Don’t Blink

Kenny Chesney has a hit song called “Don’t Blink” about advice from an old guy who feels that life passes very fast.   Sometimes, I feel like this too.   And other times, days and minutes proceed so slowly.     I think time is elastic like that and memories are only quick snapshots strung together  – not movies.

“What brings this up?”, you ask.     Oh, I’m just sitting here reflecting on my summer.    It’s been crazy good, but I don’t think my husband shares that sentiment.    Not that he didn’t share the same things; or most of the same things.  But he has the nutty thing called a J-O-B and it has issues.    Let’s just leave it at that.

I wish I could embrace that attitude of joy for each day, each experience, each person who crosses my path.  To give off a spirit of cheerfulness;  to be the kind of person that everyone who comes in contact with says, “She is so fun to be around, always in a good mood.”   Honestly, and this explains or counters what others call my ‘lack of ambition’ is truly my highest goal even though often I forget.  I forget!   I get weighed down in the hassles and conundrums and doot-da-doots of daily life.    And stop paying attention, I suppose.

Wow, am I waxing?!  ha.    I miss this blog.  Where I just sat and typed and felt and expressed.    It’s so good for me!    I don’t do this in my journal anymore.  I rarely visit here.  And over at the book blog, I feel inadequate to critique the novels I read, to pinpoint what and why I feel something or not in the books I read.   But I love my book-blogging.  I do.

I’m off topic.   [Gathers thoughts back to my point if I even have one.]  I opened this blog today to express my sadness and happiness for summer.

I’m sad that a chapter has closed and happy that is went better than expected.    I made a friend.   That friend is now off on new adventures and I wish her well.

I called her “My Summer Intern”.   We opened our home to a young college graduate who needed a place to stay for a few months and it was awesome.     And we just hugged, said goodbye and drove away.

Thus, I’m sad.

But happy that we took the risk and it paid off.

OK, time moves on.   I best get a move on, myself and start this day.

I will try to remember to be cheerful.

Sampler and a POLL

To Whom It May Concern:

The following samples of my recommending-writings are from the head of yours truly.  This first one is BEFORE I start exploring the multitude of sample character references.   Please vote, which feels more impressive?  Thank you.

Draft 1 – I have had the pleasure of being acquainted with G_ A_ for almost 7 years as a friend of the family and heartily recommend him as a student and a fine young man.     More recently, I was able to spend a summer as his math tutor;   we met twice a week to explore the basics and more of Trigonometry.

GA exhibited an eagerness to learn, a maturity beyond his years and a fun personality  – especially considering that he was spending time on a summer’s day to devote to mathematics for the sake of his future interests and endeavors. He is capable, dedicated and very bright.   

As a candidate for any program or monies designed to encourage scholarship, GA would make an excellent choice for consideration.    I highly recommend him.

Simple but wordy, yes?

and now …

Draft 2–

Paragraph 1
The first paragraph of the recommendation letter explains your connection to the person you are recommending, including how you know them, and why you are qualified to write a recommendation letter to recommend employment or graduate school.

I am writing this letter of reference and recommendation for G_ A_, a fine young man I have had the pleasure of knowing for 7 years as a friend and business associate of his parents.    On a direct level, I was asked to tutor G_ over a summer because he wished to learn Trigonometry and his school didn’t offer an in-depth class.    I was initiating a career move to my current field of education after my years of computer programming and engineering.   G_ and I met twice a week for 2 1/2 months exploring and working through Trig basics and more.

Paragraph 2
The second paragraph of the recommendation letter contains specific information on the person you are writing about, including why they are qualified, what they can contribute, and why you are providing a reference letter. If necessary, use more than one paragraph to provide details.

I am pleased to say that our Trig sessions have been a highlight of my tutoring experience.  G is not only dedicated and capable;  he is a fun kid.   He exhibits a maturity beyond his years and yet isn’t too serious, either.   His attitude towards spending summer days to study math was refreshing and impressive.

I would recommend  GA without reservation to be considered as a scholarship candidate.

Respectfully Submitted,

Curious C

Professional Tutor of Mathematics

Well?   Why am I getting the idea I should combine them somehow?   I think I like the first one…

Feeling the Same Way All Over Again

Greetings Earthlings,

I have come to find out that I know not myself or just prefer not to bring myself to those self-awareness parties.  Much more fun to bring a changeable dramatic persona than anything having to do with reality, wouldn’t you agree?

And by you, I mean ‘me’.

How freeing and fun it is to type up such nonsense when I know no one is looking!  Yet the possibility of being viewed (read) has it’s thrill.    Unfortunately, I do feel I know the one or two of you who might happen to have this blog in their Google-Reader and thus upon seeing bold NEW post, ventures over here to be amused.

But is that amusement what I am going for?   Because I *know* you.   And yet I don’t.  I know an IDEA of you.

Therein lies the rub.   I have an IDEA of me that bursts upon my insecurities and causes me great angst.   Better that I just do.  DO; than sit and think.  I think way too much.

Well?     Can I structure an entire plot-driven or character-driven or new-age story line out of such nonsense?  Have I already used the word ‘nonsense’?    Crap.   START OVER.

I need somebody – a person, character, protagonist –  to drive some plot points even if they are action in the head, so to speak.     The theme of misunderstanding.   The theme of not knowing what you think you know.  And the theme of not dealing with reality.

Which leads me to my favorite quote.    Reality is only my perception of what is real.     Who said that I do not know.    Surely it is an ancient concept…

What I Said and What I Wanted to Say

Disregard the title.   Still not sure what I’m doing with this but I needed to get some odd thoughts out of my head and into black characters on white background…

Dear M__,

Thank you for inviting me over for tea and conversation.   I really appreciate you giving your time and inviting me to help make cookies.  I’m out of practice, I think on a lot of things and probably not what you are assuming right off.  Yes, I’m out of practice on the ‘business opportunity’ stuff both talking about it and DOING it but that’s not what I’m referring to here.

When I was showing off to D___   the cookies we decorated and telling him that you and I got together for tea, he immediately asked,  “Is there anything she needs?   What can we help her with?”  and I felt a bit like an idiot because my answer was, “She needed our crock pot.”   and just why I felt like an idiot is that I know D__  had bigger issues in mind and wishes to help and I don’t really feel I got that kind of answer to his question.

I’m oblivious and likely as ill-mannered as the neighborhood children.   I should have helped you with the cookie cleanup or something!   I’m such a knucklehead.

But I see you as so CAPABLE.   Maybe you roll your eyes and not think that the best/sweetest compliment  but it IS full of admiration.   I think you and I are opposites.   You are a doer;  you’re bizzy-busy.   You do cool stuff!   You GET THINGS DONE.    In contrast, to quote John Candy in Uncle Buck, I’m “the dreamer, the sillyheart”;   I can sit and think and ponder and wonder and circle back to figure out what sparked this thought-spiral and where am I going with this and hey!  two hours have gone by.

OK, the point is, I appreciate you sharing your time with me yesterday and it may seem like not that much, but.   I do appreciate it.    Perhaps, I’m out of practice with knowing how to be a friend.   I am really good at long distance friendships but have maybe never quite figured out how to be a true friend of the physical-presence kind.    Somethings we think are obvious just aren’t sometimes.    I would love if you could teach me how to be a better friend.

Sincerely,

CuriousC

Happy Day of Gratitude

I made pie!   Of course.

I made a peach pie and a pumpkin pie but the crazy-stupid thing is that I FORGOT to add the secret ingredient to my pumpkin pie and it just really bothers me.   I was so bummed that I couldn’t even find the will to make another!

So.    Such an attitude is inappropriate – I must skew and twist my thoughts back to the reason for the season ponderings…   Let’s do the alphabet!

A is for ATTITUDE because we do have the power of control on this powerful mental tool.

B is for BOUNTY.    We have so much.    So much, too much?

C is for COMPASSION.     I need to grow this in my heart.   I’ve got some but could use a bit more.

D is for DEAR HUSBAND.   He’s the very bestest awesomest.

E is for ESTHER, my new baby puppy.   She has won me over all the way.

F is for FUN.    We can always try to have a more fun-filled approach to everything.

G is for gravy.    DH is making today’s gravy with the turkey giblets.   Mmmmmmm.

H is for HEALTH.     Really, I pray all of you keep healthy throughout the coming year.   (go away this start of a cold I feel;  I said GO AWAY!  😉  )

I is for IMAGINATION.    I love to be creative and the power of this I word is astonishing, at times.

J is for JOY.    Despite knowing a person named Joy that I tried to like but found it difficult, I still love this word.

K is for KINDNESS.    I love seeing kindness in others and in myself.  I need to practice this more.

L is for LOVE.    “The greatest of these is love.”

M is for Mom.   She and Dad are here to celebrate Thanksgiving and I’m grateful they are able and willing to make the trip.

N is for …    Well, I couldn’t think of anything for N!   what came to mind was napkins.   Am I really thankful for napkins?!   So I asked DH what word that stars with N is he grateful for and he says ‘Non-union work shops’.

O is for Oscar.   Big brother to Esther.   He’s still my baby.

P is for Parsley.   I have bunches of bunches growing in my garden and it puts a smile on my face!

Q is for Anna Quindlen.   I want to read more of her books.

R is for RESPECT.      and the Blues Brothers for putting that song in their movie.

S is for Green SPINELL – a gem that my DH gave me for my 22nd wedding anniversary.    He is such a sweetie!

T is for TRAINS.    I hope to take a train to NYC to go to the Pinstripe Football Bowl!   Maybe…

U is for UNDERSTANDING?   Sure, let’s go for that.

V is for VERISIMILITUDE because I think it is the coolest word!

W is for  WEALTH.    Practicing the art of the power of positive thinking and Laws of Attraction here.

X is for xylaphone.   Really, I guess I could be happy about XRAYs, too but I’m not really thankful for TSA etc…

Y is for YELLOW because it is a happy bright color.

Z is for ZEBRA.   I’m thankful for zebras.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

 

Randomdumbdittydumdums…

It is so freeing to write when I don’t expect anyone to read it!   Why?  Because there is no one to JUDGE.  And yet all my lovely readers have always been so positive and encouraging…    Whatever.

What?

Ever?

Just something to jot down and get the fingers moving over a typepad, over the KEYS.  We do still call them keys and not buttons, yes?

♦

SO, today I met an interesting lady who had 4 or more books in her walker-basket.    Maybe I should say where I was…  I was at the nursing home that is not so much nursing as not-quite-independent living home.

I commented on my friend’s books, “Oh!  You like to read!  Any of these good?”  and she replied that she reads the first page and the last page and makes up stuff for the middle.

Aint that great?   I smiled at her with comradery joy and understanding.   “I can’t remember what I read anyway.”

♦

 

And then later…   Another friend who always has a smile for me;  a smile of recognition for someone I am not but I don’t dissuade her.   She tells me that her brother keeps her holiday decorations for her and brings them when it is time.  She doesn’t have room to store her angels, her 2 foot tree.  But he does and he took it on himself to do that for her and help her find the spaces and places to decorate her room in style, with her own memorable stuff.   I thought that so sweet.  So simple, so sweet.

This is that lady that assumes I gave her a violet flowering plant and always asks me if I’ve seen the blooms.   And thanks me for giving it to her.     I don’t know who she thinks I am; I did not give her the plant.  But I complement the blossoms and the caregiver – she must be so wonderful to keep that flower going and blooming and living!   and she is.  Wonderful.

♦

I’m getting weepy at the craziest songs.    I am also listening to a lot of sports radio talk.   HUH?  Anyway, when the commercials come on – always many many minutes of penis enlargement and sales tapes to improve business yappings, I switch to my Dixie Chick CD.     Remember that song Earl?      When Earl had to die, nah nah nah nah nah nah…  etc.     The first verse describes how Wanda files for divorce  and lets the law take it from there, but Earl ‘walks right through that restraining order and put her in intensive care’…   Then Wanda’s friend MaryAnn catches the red-eye from Atlanta and I burst into tears.

What a great friend.

 

Bucket List

Make a quilt
Run a 5K
Visit Ireland (and/or Iceland, Barcelona, Vienna & Prague, Key West, Hawaii, Vancouver,…)
Go to Nantucket
Make a Dark Chocolate Cream Pie
Bake bread from scratch
Win the Academy Award for Best Screenplay
See my friend’s triplets
Wear a cool hat to the Kentucky Derby
Visit Mark Twain’s house in Hartford CT
Mosaic Wilhelmina
Make amends with friend SBS
Clean out the basement
Find more cool things to add to this list
Decide my ‘last wishes’ – sprinkle ashes in the Atlantic?
Dye my hair red. or blonde
Read all the books on my goodreads.com to-be-read list? yea, right. ha ha
Try inline skates
Fly first class

Why I Do What I Do.

OK – this is my FIRST PASS ATTEMPT (supposedly a ‘draft’?) of my possible and required committed-to article for the nursing home newsletter that if you read the prior post will make sense….

Service to others is the payment you make for your space here on earth.

Mohammed Ali

Dear Readers of this Newsletter,

Hi.   My name is _____.   I am a volunteer.

It all started awhile (a while?  I get SO confused when I need to have a space inserted between that a and the w — seriously, let me know somebody which it is?!  thanks) ago when I inquired about the possibility of bringing my Oscar Pup to visit the residents.

My dog is a hunting dog by trade but doesn’t get to hunt.   (I had no idea that when I would tell people that he was a hunting dog that people would freak out like I had a semi-automatic hidden in my belt.  I do not.    I try not to tell people he is a hunting dog anymore.  I say this instead:    “…one of the sporting breeds, like Golden Retrievers?”)    Anyway, he is an active little guy of only 70 pounds and I wanted to find an activity that we both could share.

Therapy Team sounded PERFECT!    We could visit schools and nursing homes and hospitals and CHEER people UP!

Little did I realize that it was going to be ME* (and Oscar) that would be the one(s) getting CHEERED.

I am humbled by the reaction and appreciation I receive when Oscar and I visit _________.   Everyone is so nice!    The residents, the staff, even the Misty the Cat seems responsive to our weekly visits.    I find it very rewarding and have gone on to volunteer time not just as the human part of this pet therapy team but I help re-alphabetize books in the library*, teach computer skills, do odd jobs like clean out the basement, and occasionally accompany lunch outings.

How Oscar feels about the experience is a whole ‘nother story.    Next time?

* You all know, don’t you?  that I am referred to as “Oscar’s Mom”?   Few people really know my name…   Which I’m perfectly fine with.  Really!

HIdeinWhitetoSkipLine

Copyright © 2010. CuriousC at Idea Jump! All rights reserved. This post was originally posted by Curious “C” from the Idea Jump! blog.  It should not be reproduced without express written permission.

Volunteerism Quotes

Guess what!   I’ve been invited to contribute to the newsletter of the nursing home where I volunteer.    I thought this space might be a great way for me to ‘practice’ a few ideas.       I’ll write here my samples – get an idea how it looks and how it sounds before I submit to the editor.

First, how about some inspiration:

I shall pass through this world but once. Any good therefore that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.
Mahatma Gandhi

Everyone can be great because anyone can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t even have to make your subject and your verb agree to serve… You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love…
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

One is not born into the world to do everything but to do something.
Henry David Thoreau, poet, writer, philosopher

Service to others is the payment you make for your space here on earth.
Mohammed Ali

Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation’s compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
Erma Bombeck

No matter how big and powerful government gets,
and the many services it provides,
it can never take the place of volunteers.
Ronald Reagan

Throughout my life, I’ve seen the difference that volunteering efforts can make in people’s lives. I know the personal value of service as a local volunteer.
Jimmy Carter

We make a living by what we do, but we make a life by what we give.
Winston Churchill

I have been the recipient of love and service, therefore I can love and serve. There is great satisfaction in service to others, in seeing people and their conditions change.
Clarence E. Hodges

How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong.
George Washington Carver

No one is useless in this world who lightens the burden of it for someone else.
Benjamin Franklin

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.
Aesop

The miracle is this – the more we share, the more we have.
Leonard Nimoy

Snowflakes melt alone – but together they can be traffic stoppers!
Anonymous

Volunteers aren’t paid, not because they are worthless, but because they are priceless.
Anonymous

“You cannot hold on to anything good. You must be continually giving – and getting. You cannot hold on to your seed. You must sow it – and reap anew. You cannot hold on to riches. You must use them and get other riches in return.” Robert Collier

“All that you send into the lives of others, will come back into your own, tenfold”…..   May Kay Ash