Friend Who Re-Appeared

This is Part 3 of the Friend Who Disappeared;  I want to stay upbeat.   For Part 2, go here.

  

  

Last week, I was able to visit with the friend that I was worried had chosen to take a break from communicating with me.    Such was not the case, or, maybe it was and she decided time was right for a re-contact.

Lunch.   We met for lunch at a nice Italian restaurant somewhere in the ‘burbs of DC that lies on the 66 cooridor in Virginia.  I spent from 6 am that day riding in a car, then a plane, then a bus, then a train.  [oops, I was supposed to be on orange, why am I on blue?!]   Snow, and slush, and mist, and cold.  

She bought, she insisted.  We enjoyed the full course:   appetizer – calamari, salad, entry – I had eggplant parmesan, and dessert – Tiramisu! with coffee.   It was quite tasty and we had a blast talking!   She is that friend that time doesn’t exist; no awkward conversation ever, just catching up and ALL GOOD.

She even had a gift for me.   A composite of travels through Target, Giant, etc – the only places she frequents with children in tow.    This packaged collection of goodies was over a year in the making!    She did not realize, nor did I scold her!  that it was February when we last talked.  

Or I received an email, a letter, any contact whatsoever.

And, now, ALL IS FORGIVEN.   We two really do have the most vastly different of life descriptions!     She with 4 kids and a full-time high-falutin’ job.   and me, …well, none of that.

This feels like a boring post, but I wanted to say it.   I get so many searches to this blog about ‘friends who disappear’ that I suspect that someone is using this tag to re-find me!    Having wondered about ‘that blog’ that had a post about friendship…  

where IS it?   oh!  I don’t remember!    something about jumping and ideas?   Some chick that is curious and calls herself “C”?    but, definitely that post about disappearing friends…  If I search on that, I’ll find that blog again…

Sounds like something I do…

So let’s wax poetic.   Which sounds really strange to me, but it’s a saying somewhere.   Moonbeam will probably have to look it up for me – it’s probably in wikipedia?!   🙂 

Why do we yearn for those friendships that have gone stale?   or abruptly ended?    or simply wandered off with no one noticing…    What about US?    Rather than wonder why someone isn’t calling me back, how much do I hound them about it, and generally whine and cry…    I must ask, is there anyone crying about ME not calling back?

Have I been the untrue friend?    Is there someone that I have treated shabbily?   Is it just the cycle of life that friends come and go?    I have read other blogs that have touched on this topic and it all reflects so much pain.

I can only wish and strive to be a better friend now, to the friends that are in my path, right now.   And to consider anyone that I may need to reach for.     And to not let it stress me, when someone doesn’t return a call in a day or a month or a year.   Let ’em go and maybe they’ll come back…

Kindness

 I found a scrap of newsprint dated June 12, 2001…

      

     

  

Scatter seeds of kindness

everywhere you go;

scatter bits of courtesy,

watch them grow and grow.

Gather buds of friendship,

keep them till full-blown;

you will find more happiness

than you have ever known.

attributed to Amy R Raabe in The Book of Friendship

Friend Who “Disappeared” Part I

Friend Who “Disappeared”  Part I  (for the Part II, click HERE … )

       Back Story:    I have a friend who is terrifically busy.    Many kids, high powered job, etc.     She doesn’t contact me often and has told me not to expect any predictable contact.    Still, I consider her a very very good friend.   One of those ‘bff’s and/or  “Best Friend From High School”…

I send her kids fun letters.   often.   I haven’t heard from her in a least 6 months.  I sent her kids Easter presents which I recently realized were never acknowledged.     I never kept track of how often we talk.  or email.    I never get letters (but I love to send them.)     She lives many states away.

I am just starting to get some inkling that maybe I need some acknowledgement.   Is she out there?    In the past, when I call attention to ‘Hey!   Haven’t talked to you in awhile…’   I usually get the ‘don’t expect much from me’ speech…..   Kids are sick, she’s in her car ALL the time, works 60-80 hours per week as a consultant, etc.   SO I try not to keep track.   But she also says she SOOO appreciates my friendship!  She tells me that she loves my letters…

It’s been too long.   She usually calls around my birthday and nothing this year.    Am I paranoid?    I want to send the ping out.   But I don’t want the response one more time that I can’t expect much from her.  

Now, as I write this, I am getting the indication that I have to write off the friendship.    or slow it down.    But it feels like giving up.    How much of a one-sided friendship should I put up with?    How do I communicate that I need either to know she prefers I never bother her again or keep it up?    or what?

It’s my parents and friends who ask, “So how is   _r___  doing these days?”   and I don’t have an answer.    I assume they are doing fine?  

SO, I want to write her a letter.   I just don’t know what to say or how to say it.     Am I being needy?   Do I risk annoying her that I am needy?   or am I fool.     Did I offend her in some way.   (unfortunately, it’s likely…  I apparently say things trying to be funny when she isn’t in a humor mood and she gets all grumpy about it; I don’t even realize it…  sigh)

Reviewing my words so far is telling me that this friendship has been extremely one-sided = MY side.    What do I do?    

I was planning Part II to be a draft of my letter to her.     I have a beautiful Hallmark card of a child holding a big sunflower.   The envelope is bright flourescent green.     Inside:    This card is a little visit from someone who thinks about you a lot.

Maybe that’s all I need.   Sign it and send it.