What I Said and What I Wanted to Say
December 10, 2010Disregard the title. Still not sure what I’m doing with this but I needed to get some odd thoughts out of my head and into black characters on white background…
Dear M__,
Thank you for inviting me over for tea and conversation. I really appreciate you giving your time and inviting me to help make cookies. I’m out of practice, I think on a lot of things and probably not what you are assuming right off. Yes, I’m out of practice on the ‘business opportunity’ stuff both talking about it and DOING it but that’s not what I’m referring to here.
When I was showing off to D___ the cookies we decorated and telling him that you and I got together for tea, he immediately asked, “Is there anything she needs? What can we help her with?” and I felt a bit like an idiot because my answer was, “She needed our crock pot.” and just why I felt like an idiot is that I know D__ had bigger issues in mind and wishes to help and I don’t really feel I got that kind of answer to his question.
I’m oblivious and likely as ill-mannered as the neighborhood children. I should have helped you with the cookie cleanup or something! I’m such a knucklehead.
But I see you as so CAPABLE. Maybe you roll your eyes and not think that the best/sweetest compliment but it IS full of admiration. I think you and I are opposites. You are a doer; you’re bizzy-busy. You do cool stuff! You GET THINGS DONE. In contrast, to quote John Candy in Uncle Buck, I’m “the dreamer, the sillyheart”; I can sit and think and ponder and wonder and circle back to figure out what sparked this thought-spiral and where am I going with this and hey! two hours have gone by.
OK, the point is, I appreciate you sharing your time with me yesterday and it may seem like not that much, but. I do appreciate it. Perhaps, I’m out of practice with knowing how to be a friend. I am really good at long distance friendships but have maybe never quite figured out how to be a true friend of the physical-presence kind. Somethings we think are obvious just aren’t sometimes. I would love if you could teach me how to be a better friend.
Sincerely,
CuriousC
Idea Jump! 
Well, maybe I’m not the kindest person in the world, but I observe that a lot of us want to jump in and “help” someone whether they need/want it or not. I am not like that. I can be helpful, but I also think it’s a two-way street. If someone wishes assistance, it’s not always up to me to guess about that. Just my opinion, but I think you did well! You made cookies! How great is that! 🙂
You seem to be a very introspective person. That’s one quality for being a good friend. I usually learn how to be a better friend by reading novels. Right now, I’m reading this book. Am giving away another copy of the book. Please feel free to participate.
My friends are constantly teaching me how to be a better friend. (I have a natural tendency towards self absorption.)
I can attest to the fact that you are a very thoughtful person as you have often thought of me and called or sent cards and I always admire that about you, especially when I am so bad at reciprocating. So I totally understand where you are coming from. I’m trying to be better about this stuff and I think I am improving but I feel bad that I haven’t reciprocated with you yet. 😦 Please know that this doesn’t mean that your actions and kindnesses were any less appreciated because that is as far from the truth as possible. Also, I have lost the hard drive on my computer which contained all my addresses, phone numbers, recipes and precious photos! So please get back in touch with me when you can. Hugs to you!!!!