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Yippee

February 8, 2016

I had an interesting discussion yesterday with a ‘friend’ who is someone I am friendly with because our spouses work together. This is not a person I call or email – I don’t know the person’s email address. I have known this person for over a year. I had attempted to get an email address and yet I don’t think I have ever gotten it. I have given mine, often.

My question is this:  Why do some people think that my not “living up to my potential” is in some way an insult to them?

Crap, I don’t even remember how the conversation got started. For all I know, I started it. It’s often a topic since it is supposed to be one of the things I am working on:  FINDING A J-O-B.

There are many reasons I haven’t found a job. The two big ones are because I am extremely picky and I am afraid. Sure, the pickiness is an offshoot of the fear.

I get it! I *should* have a job. I am obviously not trying hard enough to find a job. I’m doing everything wrong, I’m not applying for all that I should, I’m not ‘getting OUT there’.

I wonder if writing my message on a cardboard sign and standing at a busy intersection would benefit my efforts more than the suckage I review each day in the want ads.

“Oh, less than 3% of people find jobs through the want ads.” Great.

Wonderful.

Where the fuck do I go meet these people that will supposedly be bowled over with my lovely credentials and offer a decent salary WITH BENEFITS?

This person, on hearing that my tale of woe, didn’t get the fact that powers that be told me NO and that I’m not banging on their door trying to convince them otherwise. I don’t get why there isn’t understanding. (The state I live in denied my certification to do something another state granted me certification for – and this new state wants me to get more school and the programs are requiring me to have it already to get into grad school. Classic Catch 22) I don’t even know if I want this career anyway in this state.

Long story.

Boring.

Hey, I know I’m not doing enough and I’m not applying for as many positions as I *should* because the whole process fills my insides with a cold tight congealed chicken fat feeling and I get anxious and start hyperventilating. I know! I do.

I know I’m letting fear shut me down to a state of inactivity.

Your yelling at me stupid options isn’t helping. Thankyouverymuch.

Whew. I feel better.

(I gave the person my card and said, “Email me.”) I’m such an idiot.

 

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Opening Sentence

April 29, 2014

“You just don’t understand the monsters I face when I’m sober.”

Would you read a book that started like that?  if it was fiction and not a memoir?  Just wonderin’.

I would love to write fiction. Harper Lee once said, “I would advise anyone who aspires to a writing career that before developing his talent he would be wise to develop a thick hide.”

Whoa.

Considering she only wrote ONE book – and a GREAT book, at that! – it makes one wonder if she never quite got that hide thick enough.

Just what I’m thinking about today…

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Don’t Blink

August 12, 2011

Kenny Chesney has a hit song called “Don’t Blink” about advice from an old guy who feels that life passes very fast.   Sometimes, I feel like this too.   And other times, days and minutes proceed so slowly.     I think time is elastic like that and memories are only quick snapshots strung together  – not movies.

“What brings this up?”, you ask.     Oh, I’m just sitting here reflecting on my summer.    It’s been crazy good, but I don’t think my husband shares that sentiment.    Not that he didn’t share the same things; or most of the same things.  But he has the nutty thing called a J-O-B and it has issues.    Let’s just leave it at that.

I wish I could embrace that attitude of joy for each day, each experience, each person who crosses my path.  To give off a spirit of cheerfulness;  to be the kind of person that everyone who comes in contact with says, “She is so fun to be around, always in a good mood.”   Honestly, and this explains or counters what others call my ‘lack of ambition’ is truly my highest goal even though often I forget.  I forget!   I get weighed down in the hassles and conundrums and doot-da-doots of daily life.    And stop paying attention, I suppose.

Wow, am I waxing?!  ha.    I miss this blog.  Where I just sat and typed and felt and expressed.    It’s so good for me!    I don’t do this in my journal anymore.  I rarely visit here.  And over at the book blog, I feel inadequate to critique the novels I read, to pinpoint what and why I feel something or not in the books I read.   But I love my book-blogging.  I do.

I’m off topic.   [Gathers thoughts back to my point if I even have one.]  I opened this blog today to express my sadness and happiness for summer.

I’m sad that a chapter has closed and happy that is went better than expected.    I made a friend.   That friend is now off on new adventures and I wish her well.

I called her “My Summer Intern”.   We opened our home to a young college graduate who needed a place to stay for a few months and it was awesome.     And we just hugged, said goodbye and drove away.

Thus, I’m sad.

But happy that we took the risk and it paid off.

OK, time moves on.   I best get a move on, myself and start this day.

I will try to remember to be cheerful.

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Sampler and a POLL

April 26, 2011

To Whom It May Concern:

The following samples of my recommending-writings are from the head of yours truly.  This first one is BEFORE I start exploring the multitude of sample character references.   Please vote, which feels more impressive?  Thank you.

Draft 1 – I have had the pleasure of being acquainted with G_ A_ for almost 7 years as a friend of the family and heartily recommend him as a student and a fine young man.     More recently, I was able to spend a summer as his math tutor;   we met twice a week to explore the basics and more of Trigonometry.

GA exhibited an eagerness to learn, a maturity beyond his years and a fun personality  – especially considering that he was spending time on a summer’s day to devote to mathematics for the sake of his future interests and endeavors. He is capable, dedicated and very bright.   

As a candidate for any program or monies designed to encourage scholarship, GA would make an excellent choice for consideration.    I highly recommend him.

Simple but wordy, yes?

and now …

Draft 2

Paragraph 1
The first paragraph of the recommendation letter explains your connection to the person you are recommending, including how you know them, and why you are qualified to write a recommendation letter to recommend employment or graduate school.

I am writing this letter of reference and recommendation for G_ A_, a fine young man I have had the pleasure of knowing for 7 years as a friend and business associate of his parents.    On a direct level, I was asked to tutor G_ over a summer because he wished to learn Trigonometry and his school didn’t offer an in-depth class.    I was initiating a career move to my current field of education after my years of computer programming and engineering.   G_ and I met twice a week for 2 1/2 months exploring and working through Trig basics and more.

Paragraph 2
The second paragraph of the recommendation letter contains specific information on the person you are writing about, including why they are qualified, what they can contribute, and why you are providing a reference letter. If necessary, use more than one paragraph to provide details.

I am pleased to say that our Trig sessions have been a highlight of my tutoring experience.  G is not only dedicated and capable;  he is a fun kid.   He exhibits a maturity beyond his years and yet isn’t too serious, either.   His attitude towards spending summer days to study math was refreshing and impressive.

I would recommend  GA without reservation to be considered as a scholarship candidate.

Respectfully Submitted,

Curious C

Professional Tutor of Mathematics


Well?   Why am I getting the idea I should combine them somehow?   I think I like the first one…


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Feeling the Same Way All Over Again

April 8, 2011

Greetings Earthlings,

I have come to find out that I know not myself or just prefer not to bring myself to those self-awareness parties.  Much more fun to bring a changeable dramatic persona than anything having to do with reality, wouldn’t you agree?

And by you, I mean ‘me’.

How freeing and fun it is to type up such nonsense when I know no one is looking!  Yet the possibility of being viewed (read) has it’s thrill.    Unfortunately, I do feel I know the one or two of you who might happen to have this blog in their Google-Reader and thus upon seeing bold NEW post, ventures over here to be amused.

But is that amusement what I am going for?   Because I *know* you.   And yet I don’t.  I know an IDEA of you.

Therein lies the rub.   I have an IDEA of me that bursts upon my insecurities and causes me great angst.   Better that I just do.  DO; than sit and think.  I think way too much.

Well?     Can I structure an entire plot-driven or character-driven or new-age story line out of such nonsense?  Have I already used the word ‘nonsense’?    Crap.   START OVER.

I need somebody – a person, character, protagonist –  to drive some plot points even if they are action in the head, so to speak.     The theme of misunderstanding.   The theme of not knowing what you think you know.  And the theme of not dealing with reality.

Which leads me to my favorite quote.    Reality is only my perception of what is real.     Who said that I do not know.    Surely it is an ancient concept…

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Posting Cuz I Can

March 31, 2011

So. I have an iPad and I dowloaded the WordPress App. hought I wouldtryand type up a random postidea and see how it goes.

without editing. Truly, editing oh I meantyping onthe iPad is annoying. The space baronly seems to recognize half the times I click on it.Same for the Shift key to give UPPER case.

Best to consider this a draft.

Iwatched IDOL last night and it was one of the best of the season! MY faves were Casey, Lauren, thia, Pia and Holly. My least faves: Niama, Lusk and Stefano. paul doesn’t do anything for me. Scotty is good but too country. Thia stil seems so young but I adore her voice. I don’t really have any clear favorites. James is entertaining. Guess, we will just have to find ut tonight whichtwo are off.

I don’t really know what else to chat about so I amgoing to postthis and continue my WP app experiment.

have a great day.fasd

(I will probably delete this or cleanit up later!!!)

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What I Said and What I Wanted to Say

December 10, 2010

Disregard the title.   Still not sure what I’m doing with this but I needed to get some odd thoughts out of my head and into black characters on white background…

Dear M__,

Thank you for inviting me over for tea and conversation.   I really appreciate you giving your time and inviting me to help make cookies.  I’m out of practice, I think on a lot of things and probably not what you are assuming right off.  Yes, I’m out of practice on the ‘business opportunity’ stuff both talking about it and DOING it but that’s not what I’m referring to here.

When I was showing off to D___   the cookies we decorated and telling him that you and I got together for tea, he immediately asked,  “Is there anything she needs?   What can we help her with?”  and I felt a bit like an idiot because my answer was, “She needed our crock pot.”   and just why I felt like an idiot is that I know D__  had bigger issues in mind and wishes to help and I don’t really feel I got that kind of answer to his question.

I’m oblivious and likely as ill-mannered as the neighborhood children.   I should have helped you with the cookie cleanup or something!   I’m such a knucklehead.

But I see you as so CAPABLE.   Maybe you roll your eyes and not think that the best/sweetest compliment  but it IS full of admiration.   I think you and I are opposites.   You are a doer;  you’re bizzy-busy.   You do cool stuff!   You GET THINGS DONE.    In contrast, to quote John Candy in Uncle Buck, I’m “the dreamer, the sillyheart”;   I can sit and think and ponder and wonder and circle back to figure out what sparked this thought-spiral and where am I going with this and hey!  two hours have gone by.

OK, the point is, I appreciate you sharing your time with me yesterday and it may seem like not that much, but.   I do appreciate it.    Perhaps, I’m out of practice with knowing how to be a friend.   I am really good at long distance friendships but have maybe never quite figured out how to be a true friend of the physical-presence kind.    Somethings we think are obvious just aren’t sometimes.    I would love if you could teach me how to be a better friend.

Sincerely,

CuriousC