Archive for the ‘Random’ Category

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Opening Sentence

April 29, 2014

“You just don’t understand the monsters I face when I’m sober.”

Would you read a book that started like that?  if it was fiction and not a memoir?  Just wonderin’.

I would love to write fiction. Harper Lee once said, “I would advise anyone who aspires to a writing career that before developing his talent he would be wise to develop a thick hide.”

Whoa.

Considering she only wrote ONE book – and a GREAT book, at that! – it makes one wonder if she never quite got that hide thick enough.

Just what I’m thinking about today…

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Feeling the Same Way All Over Again

April 8, 2011

Greetings Earthlings,

I have come to find out that I know not myself or just prefer not to bring myself to those self-awareness parties.  Much more fun to bring a changeable dramatic persona than anything having to do with reality, wouldn’t you agree?

And by you, I mean ‘me’.

How freeing and fun it is to type up such nonsense when I know no one is looking!  Yet the possibility of being viewed (read) has it’s thrill.    Unfortunately, I do feel I know the one or two of you who might happen to have this blog in their Google-Reader and thus upon seeing bold NEW post, ventures over here to be amused.

But is that amusement what I am going for?   Because I *know* you.   And yet I don’t.  I know an IDEA of you.

Therein lies the rub.   I have an IDEA of me that bursts upon my insecurities and causes me great angst.   Better that I just do.  DO; than sit and think.  I think way too much.

Well?     Can I structure an entire plot-driven or character-driven or new-age story line out of such nonsense?  Have I already used the word ‘nonsense’?    Crap.   START OVER.

I need somebody – a person, character, protagonist –  to drive some plot points even if they are action in the head, so to speak.     The theme of misunderstanding.   The theme of not knowing what you think you know.  And the theme of not dealing with reality.

Which leads me to my favorite quote.    Reality is only my perception of what is real.     Who said that I do not know.    Surely it is an ancient concept…

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What I Said and What I Wanted to Say

December 10, 2010

Disregard the title.   Still not sure what I’m doing with this but I needed to get some odd thoughts out of my head and into black characters on white background…

Dear M__,

Thank you for inviting me over for tea and conversation.   I really appreciate you giving your time and inviting me to help make cookies.  I’m out of practice, I think on a lot of things and probably not what you are assuming right off.  Yes, I’m out of practice on the ‘business opportunity’ stuff both talking about it and DOING it but that’s not what I’m referring to here.

When I was showing off to D___   the cookies we decorated and telling him that you and I got together for tea, he immediately asked,  “Is there anything she needs?   What can we help her with?”  and I felt a bit like an idiot because my answer was, “She needed our crock pot.”   and just why I felt like an idiot is that I know D__  had bigger issues in mind and wishes to help and I don’t really feel I got that kind of answer to his question.

I’m oblivious and likely as ill-mannered as the neighborhood children.   I should have helped you with the cookie cleanup or something!   I’m such a knucklehead.

But I see you as so CAPABLE.   Maybe you roll your eyes and not think that the best/sweetest compliment  but it IS full of admiration.   I think you and I are opposites.   You are a doer;  you’re bizzy-busy.   You do cool stuff!   You GET THINGS DONE.    In contrast, to quote John Candy in Uncle Buck, I’m “the dreamer, the sillyheart”;   I can sit and think and ponder and wonder and circle back to figure out what sparked this thought-spiral and where am I going with this and hey!  two hours have gone by.

OK, the point is, I appreciate you sharing your time with me yesterday and it may seem like not that much, but.   I do appreciate it.    Perhaps, I’m out of practice with knowing how to be a friend.   I am really good at long distance friendships but have maybe never quite figured out how to be a true friend of the physical-presence kind.    Somethings we think are obvious just aren’t sometimes.    I would love if you could teach me how to be a better friend.

Sincerely,

CuriousC

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Randomdumbdittydumdums…

November 18, 2010

It is so freeing to write when I don’t expect anyone to read it!   Why?  Because there is no one to JUDGE.  And yet all my lovely readers have always been so positive and encouraging…    Whatever.

What?

Ever?

Just something to jot down and get the fingers moving over a typepad, over the KEYS.  We do still call them keys and not buttons, yes?

SO, today I met an interesting lady who had 4 or more books in her walker-basket.    Maybe I should say where I was…  I was at the nursing home that is not so much nursing as not-quite-independent living home.

I commented on my friend’s books, “Oh!  You like to read!  Any of these good?”  and she replied that she reads the first page and the last page and makes up stuff for the middle.

Aint that great?   I smiled at her with comradery joy and understanding.   “I can’t remember what I read anyway.”

 

And then later…   Another friend who always has a smile for me;  a smile of recognition for someone I am not but I don’t dissuade her.   She tells me that her brother keeps her holiday decorations for her and brings them when it is time.  She doesn’t have room to store her angels, her 2 foot tree.  But he does and he took it on himself to do that for her and help her find the spaces and places to decorate her room in style, with her own memorable stuff.   I thought that so sweet.  So simple, so sweet.

This is that lady that assumes I gave her a violet flowering plant and always asks me if I’ve seen the blooms.   And thanks me for giving it to her.     I don’t know who she thinks I am; I did not give her the plant.  But I complement the blossoms and the caregiver – she must be so wonderful to keep that flower going and blooming and living!   and she is.  Wonderful.

I’m getting weepy at the craziest songs.    I am also listening to a lot of sports radio talk.   HUH?  Anyway, when the commercials come on – always many many minutes of penis enlargement and sales tapes to improve business yappings, I switch to my Dixie Chick CD.     Remember that song Earl?      When Earl had to die, nah nah nah nah nah nah…  etc.     The first verse describes how Wanda files for divorce  and lets the law take it from there, but Earl ‘walks right through that restraining order and put her in intensive care’…   Then Wanda’s friend MaryAnn catches the red-eye from Atlanta and I burst into tears.

What a great friend.

 

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Swirly Thoughts

November 15, 2009

I was bouncing around Facebook for some odd reason, chasing names from my past as if they might be real enough to click back into my life, my real live life now and then I wonder a few things.

Why now?

Why do I care?

What happened?

Stumbled upon photos from a wedding of an old friend, former friend maybe, surely haven’t talked to nor corresponded with this person in years and yet it stung.   Stung that I didn’t know about it.   Wasn’t invited?!    Deep breath, conscious wow/huh thought.

I’ve had more than a few friendships get pissed off into the ether for many unknown* and certainly unexplored reasons.     In typical self-centered reaction, I wonder what I did.   Which only leads to negative ‘why don’t they like me anymore?’ questions.

When perhaps, they are asking the same thing?  Maybe they are wondering why I don’t seem to like them anymore?

Consider all this and allow me to share my afternoon.   I didn’t want to sit around the house watching football.   I wanted to go out but Hub preferred staying in.     I could have called a few girlfriends, right?    In fact, I did dial a friend’s number to have it immediately go to voicemail so I hung up.    I looked across at a neighbors to see if her car was visible.  Nope.

So I jumped in the car and went to Home Goods alone.

Yet, it gnawed at me that at the same time I was contemplating why I don’t have people calling me to do things with, inviting me places, lunches to plan – that I don’t make those invitations myself.

Gawd, I hate self-pity even as I crave it.  Why does my brain even think of this crap?   Why am I not continually thinking about contributing my talents to the world?  or about all I have to be grateful for?   I have many things to be grateful for.    And I would even be able to count the many wonderful supportive friends I have.

I just wish I had some go-to gals to call and say “Hey, let’s go shopping.  NOW.”  or wishing someone would call me with same.   Where are they?

And it is likely that they once did and I said no?    yes, it is.

I sigh in frustration and annoyance.

I must think about something else, please.

Wonder what I got?   I bought a cool red porcelain heavy stockpot, a spatula, a few blank books, and some martini swizzle sticks.   Home Goods is just a candy store for me…

* Though I did have one friend tell me that her biorhythms and mine were in conflict and that’s why we couldn’t be friends any more.     Was she being nice?      Hurt like hell and still does.

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Annoy and Inspire

September 4, 2009

I decided this would be a great place and a good time for me to vent.   But I quickly thought I should balance this with some opposite-rant;  thus the title to this post.    I will list a few pet peeves and then counter with a few things that make me smile.      Let’s see which attitude-influencers WIN!   woo hoo!!

ANNOYING #1:    I get annoyed that people send emails with too few details.   Specifically, the requests I get to invite me to bring my dog to a pet-therapy opportunity.    Seldom do they mention what TOWN they are in!     I’ll get a quick email that announces orientation at Ayer Public Library and…   THAT’s IT!    No, grand thank you for signing up months ago to do this, just ‘hey – here are the dates’.      UM.     huh?  who ARE you?  WHERE are you?   What exactly did I sign up for made you send me this email today?!    SO, now I have to go dig up more details and I really wish I could send an email back, HEY!   WHO ARE YOU!!?!??!

INSPIRATION:     I really have to take a deep breath and just let the faint vague details come to me:    This is an opportunity for me to bring my dog to a program assisting young children learning to read.    Apparently, a child is more comfortable reading aloud to a DOG audience of one and reading scores improve with regular sessions.     I really think Oscar is an excellent calm listener and am eager to do good and help improve a young reader’s ability and foster a love for reading.     Sounds AWESOME, doesn’t it?   At least, I think this email is about that program I signed up for months ago and haven’t heard anything about since…

ANNOY #2:    Husband’s piss-poor attitude this morning.   RRRRrrrrrrrr.     It’s not MY fault you went fishing yesterday and the exhaustion of your FUN day has caused you to be extremely irritable this morning.      He is anything but pleasant this morning.

INSPIRATION:    I must be thankful that my husband has opportunities to pursue his fishing passion and that he left me alone all day yesterday.    I read over half the book I’m currently enjoying AND I got to watch Project Runway without bothering him.     And I’m really glad that he didn’t decide to work from home today.

ANNOY #3:     I get annoyed and SADDENED when people too hastily assume that all creativity and the term ARTIST only means talent for drawing!   COME ON ALREADY!!    what ARE the schools teaching these days!?    Everyone on the planet who has thoughts in their heads are creative.    CREATIVE does NOT mean skilled at pen and paper drawing!     UGH – I can’t express it enough how thoroughly irritated I get that people do not understand the word CREATIVITY!

Here’s what happened yesterday:     I got my hair cut.    I hate getting my hair cut.    I don’t feel pampered, I feel afraid.     I realize this is something I need to tweak my attitude about but it’s still a struggle to set through a session and not wish is was over about 10 minutes after the snipping begins.     ANYWAY, the stylist was complimenting her work and I sincerely said,

“I take it as a good sign that the artist is admiring her work.”

And she replied,  “Oh, I’m not an artist.   I can’t draw at all.   My little sister is only eleven but she’s really good at drawing things.”

sigh…

INSPIRATION:    I love flowers.     I can see my zinnias outside my window as I glance up from the keyboard trying to find a countering inspiration to my wish that all people would consider and appreciate their own creativity…     Flowers.    Flowers, flowers, flowers…

EasterFlowers

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Coincidences

August 7, 2009

So.   I was just coming back from picking up the pup from doggie-daycare when I had to stop and wait for a car to pass.    While I was waiting for it to move out of my way, I noticed its license plate was from the fine state of Nebraska.

nelicplate

Well, we don’t see too many Nebraska cars up here in Massachusetts, so I was quite curious.   Luckily? — or was it just coincidence?   fate, even? — the car pulled into the strip mall which had a store I was planning at stopping at.   So, I did what any midwesterner- transplant to New England would likely do:    I asked the guy driving the Nebraska car, “Where in Nebraska are you from?”

He said, with a European accent, “I’m not from Nebraska.   It’s just a rental car.”

“Oh,”  I said.

“We’re from the Netherlands.”  he explained,  netherlandsbefore I could explain why this nutty American (me) was so curious why he might be from Nebraska (my husband is from Nebraska).

“Oh.  Well, welcome to Massachusetts! ” I said cheerily, and then paused a bit before asking, “Are you lost?”

The Netherlandian responded with a smile and a nod, “uh, is this downtown?”

“For Lakeville, Mass, yes, this is probably what they would call downtown.   Are you looking for Middleboro?   It has a more traditional town center.”

“We are looking for a hotel.”

“Ah, THAT I can direct you to.”    And so I pointed the way to the closest option for lodging, wished them good luck and waved goodbye.

Later, after purchasing bacon to wrap striper in for cooking on the grill and ice cream for dessert (peppermint stick and “The Big Dig”, vanilla ice cream with fudge brownie chunks, caramel sauce and chocolate chunks by Brigham’s, New England’s Premium Ice Cream), I thought about how ODD my encounter was with the car that was from Nebraska but was driven by a guy from the Netherlands.    I was regretting that I didn’t give them a map – I have plenty in my car.    And I was considering that I should have at least invited them to dinner!    or gone even further, invited them to spend the night at our house.   But alas, that opportunity for a truly good deed was done passed.

And then, I had to think, was it a mere coincidence that they were indeed lost and I was the one who happened to be there for them?

Hmmmmmm.    The universe is just one big crazy place, isn’t it.

bigdigic

Have you done any good deeds lately?     Suffered any odd coincidences?    Do tell!