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Job, Part 6

October 10, 2008

I had drafted a cover letter for a retail company that I truly love (I buy a LOT of clothes from this company) but I emailed it first to my husband for his red-pen skills.

He sent it back with new-to-me features of Word that I didn’t even know about (comment bubbles?) and TORE IT TO SHREDS.   He actually said, “You’re pretty rusty, aren’t you.”   (I used to be good at ‘getting jobs’ maybe notsomuch keeping them…)

No, dear.   I’m terrified.

(I feel so small right now.)

What sucks for me and is ‘my’ particular issue/problem/challenge and I know this makes me sound horrible but I resent that I once made quite a bit of money and now can’t get hired at even half what I used to make.   “I’m smarter than this.”     I resent it, I hate it and I’m frustrated.   I don’t know what is my calling, what I should DO.    What makes my heart SING that I can actually make money at?!    I’m much better at BEING than DOING.     Another truthism?   I hate money.    I hate “value for my worth” concepts.    I gnash my teeth at the whole idea of EARNINGs.   I just want to be me.   to be.

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4 comments

  1. I haven’t figured out what to do with my adult self yet either. 😉

    Well, except BLOG! blog is a VERB!! and you do it masterfully. Hey, is that sexist? Mistressfully!??!


  2. Oh I can so relate to this post. The hard part is, the older you get the more you feel this way. And the older you get the more people don’t value your worth and pay you less.

    I currently earn less that 50% of the salary I was earning 10 years ago. I swoppped my job for a less responsibility/less pay role, because I didn’t want the stress any more – and now I find the stress level is the SAME but for 50% less salary. It sucks.

    And, YES, YES, YES, I too want to “just be”. I really DO understand where you’re coming from. Hugs.

    oh thank you for the hugs. thank you, thank you. Right back at ya. Your comment reminds me of a friend who ‘stepped down the ladder cuz she thought is would be less stress and then found herself fighting back up the ladder cuz she was stressed anyway and BORED.’ Stress sucks, but I think it’s everywhere.


  3. I wish for your sake that your husband could correct your mistakes without making you feel small. I’m sorry job hunting is so hard!

    Oh dear, it’s not quite as bad as all that. Besides, in the butcherized words of Eleanor Roosevelt, no one can make you feel small without your own head getting in the way and imagining it (well, sort of something like that and her words were more about being intimidated by, etc and whatever) but my hub has excellent points to present and he does encourage me more than browbeat me – which he really doesn’t do, but he can cut to the quick sometimes. So, don’t think bad about my hub; he’s a sharp guy and my best friend and he’s trying to help me be strong and thinking bigger, really he is.


  4. Awwww ((((C)))), I so know what you mean. It’s time for me to job hunt, and I dread it for all of the reasons you mentioned. I’ve been dragging my feet on it, but I finally realized that on some level, I’m a little terrified of succeeding at doing this the way I want to. Now that I’ve identified the problem, I don’t feel quite so afraid.

    What?! Fear of SUCCESS? I actually call one of my issues ‘setting myself up to fail really big.’ if that makes and more or less sense. Don’t be afraid, travel the world and write your book?

    I’m going to have to stop posting comments on your blog for the night, because none of them are making sense!

    You always make sense to me. I get ya. Love seeing you out and about once again… Thank you.



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