Not Enough TO DO.

September 7, 2007

OK, I admit it.  I do not have enought TO DOs on my TO-DO List.   But then, forgive me, I do have a ‘hurry up and wait’ kind of job that I’m quitting once this current assignment is completed.    Which could cause me stress because I can’t DO anything to make it hurry up and BE concrete!  Just sit here and hope that I get the phone calls from the decision maker – who/whom I don’t even know by name because of how amazingly complicated and %^&*$ it has become – and so I don’t go to the beach and enhance my tan because I might have to run to the office and fax something.    OK.   I can do much better than this.    Change subject.  SEE – easier to avoid.

SO, my to do list:   1.  return shirts to Kohls.   2.  fill truck with full tank of gas.   3. treadmill 30 minutes.   4.  post on my blog.   k’ching DONE!!      5.  Gather O’s papers for getting him pet-therapy-certified.    Have already taken out the trash so I can cross that off the list.

RESPONSE – ABLE.   Responsible.     Googling ‘irresponsible’ gives “showing lack of care for consequences” .   SO that isn’t me.   (ok why did my font size just change and how do I get it bigger again?)   RESPONSE – ABLE.   Responsible.     TRICK it – copy and paste and thus reset my font.   gotta be in here somewhere….    and then defining ‘responsible’ gives me “worthy of or requiring responsibility or trust”.    I’ve always hated when I get a form of the word I’m defining in the definition.     Point is…   I do care about the consequences.

Worthy of trust.  and there it is.   I just don’t trust myself.    and that is how other’s don’t can’t won’t trust me.   and it’s not that I’m untrusting.   It’s that sense of inauthenticity.     Great word.    Hard to put a finger on; vague, uncomfortable.   

I got an awesome compliment yesterday from a coworker that really just thrilled me.    and yet, my hope was that my boss would pick up on it and elevate her sense of my ability.    Abilities.     And with what aim of that?  I don’t know.    “I can not control other’s perception of me.   I can only control how I am presented.”   THAT was from last night’s Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style.   I just love Tim Gunn and the Bravo channel!    

I had grand plans for today’s blog.   Was going to comment on the wild ride I’ve had tripping thru this blogosphere.   The amazing – endlessly amazing posts on topics that I am clueless on!    and how and why I add some of these to my blogroll and how/why I continue to check/lurk…   I think it is a trust.  That intuitive, I sense something here I need to learn.   or kindred spirit.   or…    

I’m blabbering/meandering on here with no focus.   Going to jump back to my to do list.  and get on that treadmill.   


One comment

  1. We all have times in our life which seem a bit of a jumble.

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